vain, selfish & lazy.

Wednesday, March 28, 2001

working in a coal mine: well, not really, but i am back at work, and have been since yesterday. i'm discouraged by this feeling of what can be best described as BLAH that keeps me from doing much of anything during the hours i return home and go to sleep. here are two things that i've been wondering about at work:

- the light in my boss's office seems to go off if she's been away from it for a particular period of time, kinda like the headlights that shut themselves off if you turn off the engine. except, unlike that example, i have no idea how this one works. could there be some sort of sensor in her seat, whereby if it detects the absence of her carriage for, say, five minutes it hits the lights? or maybe a motion detector like those lights people have on their garages that turn on when people walk past? doesn't this all seem a bit elaborate and, not to mention, expensive to save a little on the electricity bill? might there be an easier explanation for this occurrence?

- my security pass, which sports a deathly picture of me that seems to cry, "i had to wake up at 6:45 this morning!", hangs on a chain, though it also has a clip, presumably for the pocket on the dress shirt i'll never be seen in again now that i can wear JEANS AND SNEAKERS to work. the problem is: i don't know how i should wear it. i started with it around my neck, but for some reason, that strikes me wrong: it makes me feel like i'm eager to please, a go-getter, proudly sporting the CHAIN around my neck that signifies i'm OWNED. leaving it at my desk is out of the question since it's way too inconvenient not having it on me. a co-worker keeps his on his person with the chain hanging out of his pocket, like the kids with the pants not intended for them. but i don't know about that.

such dilemmas. they seem inconequential, but as a rule, i always sweat the small stuff. plus, it's not like i can do much WORK since i still don't have network access or e-mail, and i've just been doing randon paperwork and putting together posterboards, which reminded me of being in elementary school and thinking i was quite cool because i was working on a project of such stature, figuratively and literally, that i needed the freedom and space that only the hallway could provide. instead of doing work, then, i spend my time luxuriating in my armchair, which has rests that move in and out, up and down, according to my WHIM, then changing into my other chair when i tire of the armchair; i bemoan the replacement of our combo cocoa/coffee machine with a repellent monstrosity of a coffee machine that i myself am alone in opposing since it apparently makes "really great coffee"; i enjoy the feather-touch keys of the keyboard to my brandy-new computer, the keys seemingly embracing my fingerpads, the act being an almost, dare i say, sensual experience; and i stand before the soda machine, deciding whether or not i'll let myself be bilked out of 85 cents for a can (85 CENTS!!!). but i'm enjoying myself. really.
-fred solinger | steal this link! | discuss

Monday, March 26, 2001

happy birthday, nylpm: beating the clock in this country and points west, tom has put up the pieces to celebrate nylpm's first birthday, where i got my start. he'd asked us to write a piece about an underrated pop song, so i chose big star's "kanga roo," which can be accessed here. i think it's alright, but it's lacking, and i credit that to the fact that i never quite say what it means to me, why i chose it, etc. which i think i tend to do quite often here. so let me take the opportunity to do so.

who is "kanga roo"? no one in particular, a bunch of -- no surprise -- girls/women who i no longer know, very likely never really knew, and they're nothing but shadows now. where is it? at night, invariably, and it's usually quite cold; effect is stronger if it's snowing, and killed altogether if it's raining because i hate it when it fucking rains and it's cold. if you want me to get synesthetic on your ass, i'll be all too happy to oblige: it's black, deep, dark, bottomless black, with a hint of cyan. seriously. why did i choose it? well, i think that it's, if not necessarily underappreciated, largely unheralded, and of course it's one of my top 20 songs ever. but more than that, it affects me. no, i've never cried to it -- that distinction belongs to "she's out of my life" by michael jackson, long story and somewhat ludicrous now -- it's more, dare i say, profound than that. i've fucked up a lot in my life, it should be known, i should be somewhere else, should be someone else, but i'll never be, i know this for fact. i'll continue to stupidly throw myself headlong into situations because i'm too weak to change course, and i'll stay up at night thinking this and understand that there's nothing quite so painful as knowing who you really are. and in those moments of self-pity and helplessness, filled with cries that no one hears because the world is so loud or maybe, just possibly because they don't care, but what i'm trying to say is that it's at this very moment that "kanga roo" stops being a song on a record and becomes something that is much more than i can ever really define. and that's what pop music is.
-fred solinger | steal this link! | discuss

Sunday, March 25, 2001

a quick recant: i'm going to change my prediction of best actor from tom hanks to ed harris. call it a hunch.
-fred solinger | steal this link! | discuss

quick oscar predictions: this year's awards seem like they could be the most predictable in recent years; let's hope they're not.

best picture: gladiator. i don't think they'll win in any of the other major categories, and the picture with the most nominations wins the best picture award like 80% of the time or something like that. also, hollywood likes reward those films that boost the industry. (cf. titanic over l.a. confidential; rocky over network and taxi driver.)

best actor: i really hope i'm wrong here. out of all of the nominees, he gets the most opportunity to "act," with no supporting players to steal his light. i'd personally give it to crowe: i can see him in hanks' role, but definitely not the other way around. in the same way that comedic actors are overlooked, so too are action heroes. besides, it's overdue for crowe, who should've won for either l.a. confidential or the insider.

best actress: i say this with no hyperbole: if julia roberts loses, i think it would be the greatest upset in the history of the academy. or close, at least. i thought she was fine, if a bit strained, but this year's crop is largely undistinguished -- and, again, comedic performances disregarded: i'd personally have given it to renee zellweger for nurse betty. and i can't stand her more than julia!

best supporting actor: benecio del toro, traffic. i thought he was absolutely brilliant in this film and i think he's got a lot of momentum behind him. and, hey, he speaks two languages in the film, bound to impress oscar voters.

best supporting actress: kate hudson, almost famous. she did her best with this role, but i thought it was one that was drastically underwritten. she should've been the emotional core of the film, but it never seemed it; perhaps there weren't enough great lines and too much mugging and winking. frances mcdormand should've been nominated for the woefully forgotten wonder boys, in which she -- and the whole cast for that matter -- was dynamite.

best director: ang lee, crouching tiger, hidden dragon. something like 16 of the last 18 golden globe winners in this category have won the oscar so, thus, lee. it's also regarded as a work of "art" than, say, traffic, and creating "art" seems to be the director's domain.
-fred solinger | steal this link! | discuss